Christmas from Lot # 47, Edition 3

It is now that time of year when momma and I travel to be with family that we see only once a year. This year we are all meeting at lot # 12. The walk is a bit too much for momma so we are taking the riding tractor. I have said we need to stay in touch with family, after all we all live in the same park, but territorial feuds often leave us divided. My trailer falls between the number two dumpster and the waste water ponds. The rest of the family is north of here between dumpster two and the public land fill. These divisions are only compromised at this time of the year.

Last Christmas I offered to provide the main course for this year's family get together. I have grown tired of woodchuck, potatoes and onions.  Don’t get me wrong, Uncle Mike is a wonderful cook and mechanic, but woodchuck is out of season come Christmas time.  Generally the animal has been sored away on ice for a few months come December, depending on when the poor creature met it's untimely demise along the high way.  I figured that I would kill a pheasant for dinner, but I had no luck. This year I have bagged the next best thing. Momma will never miss her blue jays at the bird feeder. My blue jay under foil may not be as elegant as woodchuck but at least they will out do those damn gopher nuggets from last year!

Gift giving is my favorite time of the party. This year I have a twenty four piece set of Tupperware.  Fourteen Pieces are missing but it is the thought that counts. The Salvation Army does not have lay away so I took what I could get in November. I am giving the Tupperware as a starter collector series. If the remaining eight pieces, or seven are collected then that set is worth at least $24!!!

Momma is giving another half gallon of vodka. Momma gives a bottle every year, is so predictable but if you know momma and her booze, the vodka is truly a gift from her heart. As with any other family, we all dive into the gift vodka just the same sampling a cheese and meat gift platter, a slice of this or that... A shot like this and another shot like that. Soon we are all doing shooters from Uncle Mike’s belly button! After momma's gift is finished we all ride snowmobiles and target shoot with shotguns into the snow banks. By this time a blackout has blanketed the entire family.  The vodka shooters, the gunfire and snowmobile derby is always a bit blurry, but I do know that we all have a blast!

At the end of the evening we all normally retreat to our homes, for what ever reason the crime rate in our park soars through the roof, an oddity that still eludes me to this day. Ninety seven percent of the crime in our neighborhood occurs at this time. By now I have lost track of momma but "John" always manages to bring her home. He always shows up this time of year with a cash present for momma. Of course, momma reminds me that "John" is the reason any of us have Christmas at all.

© 2008 Richard L. Thorp Jr.